Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
