I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
