new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
