You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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