life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In America we eat man semen.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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