Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
