he thought i was a dude.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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