I just pynch a tree in the face
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
