Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A+ Viking dick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
