So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
