and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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