Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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