Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
