I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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