Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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