the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
