I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
