I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
