i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
