Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
