You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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