It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
