Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
