i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
