so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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