and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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