he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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