Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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