i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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