My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
