Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
