Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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