I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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