By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
