Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
