the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
