wat bout pragnant strippers??
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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