if you like me you must not know who I am
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
