i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
love makes seman taste better
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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