not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
