the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
