Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
