You can't motorboat a personality
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
