The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
