i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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