What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
