For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
