I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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