life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
