I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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