I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize