He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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