She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
