p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
