Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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