i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
