My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
