dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
