Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I deserve this hangover.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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