Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
