I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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