I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
