You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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