if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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