Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
