Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
