you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
