Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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